Once upon a time there was a little princess. She lived in a big and beautiful castle with her parents the queen and the king. Her parents working hard every day and the little princess always stayed at home alone with the servants who worked at the castle. She spend her days in her big room. It was a very beautiful room with pink wallpaper and large windows with white lace curtains. The room was full of toys. Dolls and bruins. Rocking horses and barbie houses. Everything you can imagine was there. But still the princess was unhappy, bored and felt so alone. She went to the babysitter and said: “I am so bored and have nothing to do!” Babysitter looked worried and said: “why don't you play with any of your dolls?” but the princess wont. She still felt that the loneliest girl in the world. Every night when the queen and the king came home from work they gave her gifts. You may think that the girl was happy for the gifts that children tend to be, but the girl was just as unhappy like before.
The next day the princess decide to take a walk in the big garden. She looked at the big red roses and feed the fish in the pond. Around the garden there was a high hedge that screened off from the world outside. The princess had not seen much of the world outside but castle. She knew a place in the garden where it was just a fence where you could look down on a street. She went to this place and start looking after something interesting. To her surprise, she suddenly see a little girl. The girl was sitting on the ground and painted in the gravel. “Hello” the princess said. The girl looked up at her and answered “Hello there”. “Why are you painting in the gravel?” princess asked. “because I like to paint” the girl answered. The princess thought for a moment on his painting blocks inside the castle and asked: “don't you have any blocks you can paint on instead?”. The girl looked up at here and examined her from head to toe and said then “No, I haven't”. The princess asked her “do you want to come inside the fence and play with me?”. “okay” the girl said and jumped over the fence. Since that day the princess was lucky again. She had got a friend and don't felt alone anymore.
Jag tycker du har skrivit en riktigt bra historia. Jag har några saker jag reflekterat över, det mesta är att det ska vara ett "s" på slutet av ett ord, därför ser det mycket ut. Men jag är inte säker på att det ska vara så här, kan lika gärna vara jag som har fel.
SvaraRadera“She spend her days in her big room” - Your sentence
“She spends her days in her big room.” - I think it should look like this
Even that the princess was unhappy, bored and felt so alone. – Your sentence
Despite this was the princess unhappy, bored and felt so alone. – I think it should look like this
She still felt that the loneliest girl in the world – Your sentence
She still felt that she was the loneliest girl in the world – I think it should look like this
The next day the princess decide to take a walk in the big garden. - Your sentence!
“The next day the princess decides to take a walk in the big garden” - I think it should look like this
To her surprise, she suddenly see a little girl. - Your sentence
“To her surprise, she suddenly sees a little girl.” - I think it should look like this
The girl looked up at her and answer - Your sentence
“The girl looked up at her and answers” - I think it should look like this
“because I like to paint” the girl answer - Your sentence
“because I like to paint” the girl answers - - I think it should look like this
the castle and ask: Your sentence
the castle and asks - I think it should look like this
The princess ask her - Your sentence
The princess asks her -- I think it should look like this
okey - Your sentence
Okay- I think it should look like this
It is a very nice story. Here comes some recomendations. "Even that the princess was unhappy" you could say "But still the princess was unhappy". And "outside but castle but" you could say "outside the castle but" I think you maybe should use asked and answered instead of ask and answer? My finally question is what age you have picked?
SvaraRaderaYou have written a nice story. Here are some changes I might have done.
SvaraRadera"Her parents working hard"
- her parents were working hard
"She still felt that the loneliest girl"
-felt like the
"not seen much of the world outside but castle"
-outside the castle
"She went to this place and start looking"
-started looking
" she suddenly see a little girl"
-suddenly saw
"The princess thought for a moment on his painting"
-his/her?
"The girl looked up at here"
-at her
You have written a cute little story. Here are my ideas, and I agree with the above comments.
SvaraRadera"Babysitter looked worried"- The babysitter
"but the princess wont"- wouldn´t
"for the gifts that children tend to be"- like children...
"as unhappy like before" - as before
"The next day the princess decide"-decided
"She knew a place in the garden where it was just a fence where you could"- She knew of a place in the garden where there was a fence where you could look down..
"Why are you painting in the gravel?"princess asked" - the princess asked
"and said then" - and then said
"Since that day the princess was lucky" - happy
"and don´t felt alone" - didn´t feel alone
As the above comments have pinpointed, there are a lot of problems with verbs in this story, having to do with everything from tense to SVA. That needs to be worked on.
SvaraRadera